If anything can go wrong, it will.

A Reason or a Season

Mended Heart

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

I don’t know why it happened, I received nothing in the way of explanation, but I lost a friend overnight.

I like to pretend that things like this don’t phase me when they happen. I like to pretend that I’m the kind of person who can just laugh it off and say “Well, fuck you, then, if you don’t want to be my friend”. The only problem is, fantastic imagination or not, I really can’t pretend that well, not about that.

If I’ve done something wrong, I’m the kind of person who prefers that you tell me so. I’m not one to set out to be intentionally mean or offensive, so if I have wronged you in some way, please tell me how. How does a person learn from their mistakes if they’re not even sure what mistake they’ve made? I’m well aware that I’m an imperfect person, but I can’t grow or change if I don’t have my flaws pointed out.

In simply writing me off with no explanation, my former friend has made it reasonably clear to me that he doesn’t wish to talk about it, or work it out, whatever “it” is. I suppose there’s not much that I can do but stitch up the little hole in my heart his absence leaves.

A little part of me wonders if, maybe, there’s some strange reason that he wants me to “chase” him down and demand to know the issue, but that’s not really my way, and I guess I sort of expect that people who know me, friends, would know this about me.

It’s not that I don’t care… it’s that he doesn’t. Or at least that’s what the behaviour indicates to me.

2 Responses to A Reason or a Season

  • A similar thing happened to me years ago. The friend was an online friend and it was impossible to speak to him face to face. Suddenly, he switched from friendliness to hostility without my knowing why. I suspected, however, that a third person (with whom I had had a dispute) had deliberately brought the split about by telling the friend untruths about me.

    Foolishly, I let the matter go and thus do not know the reason for the split nor was able to repair it.

    If the friendship meant little to you, then there is perhaps no harm in letting it go (as long as it doesn’t infect other friendships) but if it was important to you, then it might be worth tackling the matter and asking “Have I offended you in some way? Because, if so, that was never my intention.”

    • I’m still deciding how I should proceed with this situation, because, as I mentioned, it feels very much like it just doesn’t matter to him.

      Although I don’t think that anyone has been telling my friend any lies, or trying to undermine the friendship, I do have a tiny bit of suspicion that it may be “guilt by association”.

      I might try emailing, I just know this particular friend fairly well, and it usually isn’t a good idea to pressure him right away when he’s upset. But, now that you say something about it, I am leaning a bit more towards emailing when he’s had a little bit of time.
      If I did do something, I really would like to at least know what.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.