If anything can go wrong, it will.

So What Was My Point?

When I began writing the “The Hardest Choice I Ever Made“, I started with the intent to express some opinions on the abortion debate happening over at Harsh Reality.

As I wrote, though, some of what I wanted to say got a little lost in the flood that came when I began recounting my personal experience. I want to try to correct this. I hope that this time, by taking things one small step at a time, I can actually express my thoughts without getting lost in a sea of emotions.

  1. I am not of the opinion that abortion should ever be used as a form of birth control. If you are having sex, you need to be responsible enough, adult enough, to recognise all of the potential consequences, from disease to the risk of pregnancy. Even on birth control, there is still a small chance that it will fail. If you are choosing to engage in unprotected sex and thinking “Oh well, if I get pregnant, I can just abort”, that is unimaginably irresponsible, at best.
  2. Of course when a child is conceived, that baby is not only the mother’s. I wholeheartedly believe that a man who is part of conceiving a child should be involved in any decision-making process that involves said child, at least under most circumstances. Ultimately, it is the woman and not the man who has to carry the child. It is her physical well-being that is on the line. Every pregnancy carries risks, some far more so than others. If a woman’s health is put greatly at risk by a pregnancy, I believe that the decision to take that risk is hers. If a woman was raped, under no circumstances should her rapist get any kind of say.
  3. On the subject on whether abortion should or should not be legal: I did manage to somewhat express my thoughts on this particular matter in my previous post, but it was at the tail end of what was a very lengthy read. If only “special cases” should be allowed, such as victims of rape, or women who are at great risk, then who gets to determine what qualifies as a special case? Would she have to appear before a judge, or a panel of doctors and “plead her case”? How many rapes go unreported? If a woman is unwilling to report that she was raped in the first place, how is she going to feel about having to explain her circumstances? I don’t want to live in a place where coat-hanger abortions become the last resort of a frightened woman.

People can be so quick to judge.

Most of even the most hard-core Pro-Life people I know or have encountered allow for “special cases”. Most of them will concede that either in the case of rape, or in the case of the pregnancy being the result of failed birth control and being a great risk to the mother, that abortion is “understandable” or “allowable”. When they know my story, they will tell me that they understand that I was in a terrible position, and that they understand why I would choose my health and life over carrying the pregnancy to term.

But, a lot of them, if I left the story untold, if I simply said, “I’ve had an abortion”, would immediately begin passing judgement on me. Thinking, or even outright saying, “murderer”. I have had this said to me, by people who don’t really know me, or know the full story. Hell, I’ve even had some people say it to me knowing, at least partially, what happened.

I wonder, honestly, if they think that I actually need someone to make me feel worse.

7 Responses to So What Was My Point?

  • You don’t have a reblog button on your site, only a share button. I was going to reboot this, but I’ll just comment. I saw nothing wrong with anything you said against my own opinion. I will say that advocating against abortion is not the same thing as saying I (or we) don’t understand there are hard choices and situations out there. We are voicing our opinions on the matter because we care, not because we “don’t care” about the women involved. The dialogue is a good thing on both sides of the line and posts like these help to move the conversation along. Thanks for the pingback!

    • I think I might have fainted and my poor little blog, too, had you reblogged this. Haha.

      I agree with you completely that the dialogue is important. The one thing that I wish that some people could recognise and learn is that you can disagree, even disagree passionately, and still be kind to one another.

      Thanks for taking the time to comment on my post, OM.

  • I read this & the previous post babes & I just wanna tell ya how brave I think you are for postin’ ’em both. xoxo

  • Abortion is an issue that raises strong emotions and one in which far more nonsense is spoken than good sense. The people who make the most noise about it show by their words that they are the least qualified to talk about it.
    Personally, I believe in the principle “My body, my decision”. Abortion is a matter where the law should tread as lightly as possible. In fact, the only grounds for legal intervention that I can see are in the matter of choosing a cut-off point, that is, deciding at what age the foetus is considered sufficiently developed to be regarded as a human being and to have a right to have his/her life preserved. Before the cut-off date, the decision should belong to the woman in whose body the foetus resides.
    In line with that, I think the father has a right to express his opinion and to be heard but not the right to prevent an abortion. He does not have to suffer pregnancy and the toils of bringing the baby to term and his rights in the matter should therefore be lower to reflect this.
    I haven’t distinguished in the above the differences between cases of consensual sex and rape and I don’t think I need to. In both cases, it is my opinion that the outcome of any pregnancy should be decided by the pregnant woman.

    • The bottom line for me, is really this: if I could have made a different choice I personally would have.

      But, regardless of what I believe for myself, personally, it’s only that: what I would choose for me.

      No matter what her reasons are, another woman must make her own choice, and no woman deserves to die because she was willing to risk sub-standard medical care in order to make her choice.

      I hope that makes sense, because even in my head it’s making me feel like I’m straddling a fence. I’m not. I’m absolutely pro-choice.

      I think a woman should listen to what her partner has to say, and take that into consideration, again, under normal circumstances, but ultimately, yes, I do still believe it’s her body.

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