If anything can go wrong, it will.

Monthly Archives: June 2015

Love Is Love

The U.S. Supreme Court struck down bans on same-sex marriage throughout the country as of 26 June 2015 in a five-to-four vote.

Writing the majority opinion for the court, Justice Anthony M. Kennedy had these words to say:

No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.

By the time that I sat down at my computer yesterday, the news was everywhere. People were celebrating in streets, and some were ready to tie the knot in states that had been holding out against same-sex marriage. In my own home state, one of the thirteen that were still holding out against same-sex marriage, the first marriage licenses for same-sex couples were issued immediately following the decision.

I have tried, despite my strong feelings, to listen to both sides of the debate. I have tried to understand why and how any person, or persons, could be affected in any way, by who other people choose to marry. I have heard those who say “Well, for example, my health insurance costs may rise because all of a sudden more people are eligible for coverage”. (As in benefits for spouses). Are you kidding me?

What I have not been able to work out is how any of the opposition to same-sex marriage is based on anything other than a religious or spiritual belief. To deny someone the same rights, liberties, and privileges as you, based on a religious or spiritual belief is, in my opinion, wrong. If you believe marriage should be between a man and a woman only, you are entitled to that belief – what you are not entitled to do is insist that everyone else believe it, or live their lives according to that belief. Not everyone believes as you do, and that is their right.

I have heard the arguments that people (as in members of the clergy) may find themselves “forced” to participate in weddings that they do not agree with or condone. I have heard the arguments regarding churches and other religious facilities being required to allow same-sex marriages to take place within their confines. I do not think that the two things are inextricably linked. As an individual, I believe that you have the right to refuse to provide a service you are uncomfortable with providing, whether you are clergy, a baker, a wedding planner, or what have you. (Let’s not be idiots about this, folks, honestly!)

I also believe that there are not that many individuals out there who would even want those services provided by someone they knew was not wholly at ease with the circumstances. Even if that were not the case, though, I believe that no court would force a person to participate in a wedding that they did not support.

Allowing same-sex couples the right to marry is not synonymous with stripping away the rights of the religious, or those that don’t agree with it, for whatever reason.

As someone recently engaged I can only imagine the heartbreak if I had said yes, but then been denied the right to follow through.

Happy Father’s Day

Today is Father’s Day – at least here in the U.S. – so I wanted to take a minute to acknowledge my dad, who, at least to me, is the best dad, even if he’s not my biological father.

We’ve had our rough patches, and neither of us are perfect people, but I wouldn’t trade him for all the world.

My biological father – well, I don’t wish him any ill, but that relationship is rocky, to put it very mildly. He’s been imprisoned twice in the years that I’ve been alive, and neither of them have been short stays. Factor in the time I’ve not spent with him, and the fact that he’s been abusive both towards myself and my mother, and it’s fair to say that we don’t actually have much of a relationship at all.

Nevertheless, I’m thankful for him. If nothing else, for being half responsible for my existence, and for showing me what a good dad isn’t.

One day I’m hoping I have good reason to wish Alex “Happy Father’s Day”. I think he’ll be a wonderful dad… but not trying to put the horse before the cart here. First, we’ve got to get that permanent residency thing sorted out.

Two Weeks of Bliss

Alex

Beautiful, isn’t he?

I spent two weeks waking up every morning to this face. It was the happiest two weeks of my life.

Yesterday morning, I had to say goodbye. My heart feels like it’s in a million tiny pieces right now. He tells me, and I tell myself, that the separation is only temporary, that as soon as I’m cleared to fly I’m headed in his direction. My heart still feels so broken. The distance in our relationship was difficult when I had no idea what it was actually like to fall asleep in his arms, or be able to reach out and touch him, or kiss him. Now, though, I know those things, and I know exactly what it is to be missing them.

It’s okay. It’s only for a while

Very little went according to plan.  It’s quite a long story, but we were forced to spend our two weeks in a hotel. We didn’t really go very many places, essentially just out for food & supplies. Even so, all I cared about was that he was there, with me. He swears it was the same for him; that everything that went wrong doesn’t matter at all.

He makes me ridiculously happy, and I am, as far as I can tell, the luckiest girl in the world.

Oh, but I no longer have a boyfriend.

I have a fiance.

The Engagement Ring

The Engagement Ring